I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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