he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
