Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
