look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
