I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's always time for handjobs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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