lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
