so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
