If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
