I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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