Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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