I got chris browned last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
