i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You can't just leave with hair like that
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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