I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
