What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
God, I missed his penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
