I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
