Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize