I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
