Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
