i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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