my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
