So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize