the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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