this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
