I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
