Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
