even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize