I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
