@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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