she was so not down for the gang bang
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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