First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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