My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize