The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
