Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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