can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
