Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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