I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
