They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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