Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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