there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
