Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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