Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no, he came in my armpit
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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