The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
