he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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