just tell him i said nine months
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
