Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
