I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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