I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
