we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize