You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
