you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
