Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
