um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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