Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize