i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
