woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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