forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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