A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
