Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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