I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
