apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
