im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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