I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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