did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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