my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
