"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
don't judge my taste in strippers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
