$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
