isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
