this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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