there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
