I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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