its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
