That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
