She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
