I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
