i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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