I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's Friday. Sex?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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