Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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