I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
