She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
