i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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