there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
