She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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