Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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