this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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