so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
