She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
