Will you blow on my dice?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize