The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
