..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
