wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize