Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
