mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this is an emotional support booty call
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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