Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
