woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
