Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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