operation harelip BJ is a go
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
