while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
