Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
